math problem: if i have 6 oatmeal raisin cookies how pissed off am i that they’re not chocolate chip
(Source: shavingryansprivates, via unlockthecage)
THIS KID IN THE SKATESHOP WAS GETTING ON MY SHIT BECAUSE I WAS SHOPPING LAST MINUTE FOR MY “BOYFRIEND,” CARLOS. “DO YOU AT LEAST KNOW WHAT SHIRT AND SHOE SIZE HE IS?” OMFG.
GIRL MY EYES
AND GIRL MY MIND
My mom thinks the worst of me.
I was watching the new video Carlos posted. James was talking about how being back on set was like being a high school senior, because they can basically do whatever you want, and my mom goes, “THEY’RE IN HIGH SCHOOL?”
No, Mother. Remember one of the FIRST things I told you about BTR was that they were my age… to avoid this exact situation. SMH. I bet her biggest fear is that I will legitimately become a cougar. -.-
Usually I realize that I said the wrong thing, and I feel really bad… then I’m paranoid that I’ll see them again and they’ll punch me.
Someone told me their life story today at work.
She basically spent an hour and a half telling me everything about herself except her social security number. I’ll tell you the best bits:
- She’s a 50 year old woman who moved to England from Colombia 16 years ago, because she wanted to marry an Englishman (LOL. OMG. Why does that sound like me?).
- She became pregnant by her future husband after two months of living there, and miscarried a few months in.
- She went to rehab because, and I quote, she “had an obsession with David Bowie.” (I definitely didn’t wanna know why that constituted the need to check into a facility.)
- Her husband took her to a David Bowie concert in 1995, and as a thank you for taking her, they had sex and conceived their daughter that night. She said that in her mind, her daughter is David Bowie’s child. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I fucking laughed my ass off, OMG. I couldn’t breathe.)
- She has a criminal record, because some chavs in her neighborhood set her up (she didn’t tell me how exactly) and she was arrested. She said the police obviously have a biased view of her because she’s not only a foreigner, but she’s also from Colombia.
- She thought that a drink she had in a club once was spiked, because she had hallucinations.
- Her husband had a stroke when he was 14, so his right side is paralyzed. He can barely walk, but he still works as a security guard.
- She only sees her husband once a month since his security firm places him in Nottingham when they live in Leeds. She’s convinced that the security firm is doing this to get them to break up.
- She’s quite happy that she doesn’t see him much anyway, because she “couldn’t deal with him everyday.”
- Her daughter (who lives with her husband’s family for some reason) is still broken hearted over her breakup with her boyfriend back in February, especially cos he came out of the closet afterwards. She lost her circle of friends in the process and now self-harms.
- Her mother gave her pills when she was 11; for some unknown reason she didn’t read the label and they ended up being hormone pills. As a result, she’s only 4’11”, but has big boobs.
- She’s seeing a psychologist soon, which she hopes will help with her mental state. She says she needs to improve her self-esteem and work on certain issues, including the fact that she’s still naive and too trusting/friendly, even with complete strangers. (HUH? Too open and trusting? I would’ve never guessed!)
This woman was fucking nuts, but oddly nice. You should’ve seen my face as she went on and on and on and fucking on… LOL. Definitely entertaining to say the least.